I wrote this two days after I lost my baby.
I woke up in my bedroom alone. I sat up, I was empty, lost, I felt immensely sad. I crawled back into a ball.
The weight of the pain rocked me as if I'd never felt what it was like for the life inside of me to go still. I was somewhere between needing prayer & needing to scream.
After the morning after
Behind closed doors
Right before the house stirs awake
And it’s the pillow who knows best
how this one broke me
I lay there thinking,
I would peacefully go
The heart is faint but the beat goes on
It’s surreal but so real
And so on and so on, right?
And I can’t breath
And I can’t leave
1000 Times
This one brought me to my knees
With weak legs, I crawled
My heart filled with pleas.
Water beads rolled over my belly,
Reminding me of life so thin
1000 times, I breathe it in.
1000 Times
I breathe through but the
silence is loud
1000 Times
Through silence loud, I held my light,
1000 times, from day to night.
Before sunrise, I'd collect my self,
And hide the grief,
Here, right here with weak legs and a quivering heart
I vow to breathe, a brand new start.
1000 times,
I'll rise, not bend
I pledge allegiance to breathe again.
This one broke me but this one woke me.
To the Brave Mamas who have endured the unimaginable loss of a child, know that your strength and resilience are remarkable. I titled this poem 1000 Times because to rise everyday and give your heart even while its mending takes a Brave Mama!
Five truths from one Brave Mama to another.
1. Your love for your child is eternal, a bond that transcends time and space. They live on in your heart and in the memories you cherish.
2. Allow yourself the grace to grieve, to feel, and to heal at your own pace. Your journey is uniquely yours, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate it.
3. Though the pain may never fully disappear, know that healing is possible. With each breath, each step, you are moving towards a place of peace and acceptance.
4. Many have walked this path and are here to support you. Reach out to those who understand, and lean on the community of mothers who share your experience.
5. Find ways to honor and celebrate your child’s life, no matter how brief. Their impact on your heart is everlasting and deserves to be acknowledged.
Your journey is one of immense strength and courage. As you rise each day, even with a mending heart, know that God walks beside you, holding you up when you feel you can’t stand.
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